Resignation. 15 Years Served.

It was my scheduled monthly meeting with my boss/president of the company last week when I opened the meeting by nervously spitting out the words ‘I need to give you my resignation’.

It was the most nerve racking thing I have ever done in my life (well, maybe the vasectomy procedure takes top billing in that category) and for some reason I dreaded the impending conversation with her surrounding this decision.

The event went well. She was at first understandably shocked that I was voluntarily leaving the company after a 15 year tenure. She expressed gratitude for the 7 weeks notice I had given and wished me luck in my future endeavors...whatever they may be. I had no real concept of how she would react. In my experience, I have seen her fly off the handle on more than one occasion when unexpected events occur. Plus we had a history where we did not always get along with each other. I didn’t know if after dropping the resignation letter in front of her whether she would turn around and have me escorted out of the building right then and there or allow me to finish out my term training my eventual replacement*. It appears to be the latter.

After a few minutes into the meeting I felt a great sense of relief that this part of the process was now over with. I of course had known this day was coming for months now but haven’t been able to discuss it with anyone at work (other than a close buddy). It was a relief to have the information out in the open. But as I sit here almost 2 weeks later, it does not feel like much has changed. Maybe due to the lengthy notice, I still feel stuck here whittling away my work days. I know this is all going to change soon. In just 2 short months, it is likely I will be living in a new province. It’s just still such a new concept for me that I have not yet come to terms with the massive changes my life is going to be undergoing.

And so ends the only career, the only real work I have ever known. Sounds like a huge turning point in my life and maybe down the road I will be able to reflect on it and agree that it indeed was a life changing decision. Right now, I’m still counting down the minutes until I can leave the office for the day. Perhaps actually not having to wake up at 5 :30am in the morning to head off to this job will be more satisfying and arrive with a sense of finality.

*Side note: As a precaution, I had already removed all of my personal belongings from my office days in advance, made copies of all the e-mail contact data and files I felt I may need assuming I would be locked out of the system once the meeting was over. I think I may have been slightly paranoid about the whole thing but one never knows.)

Countdown.

The countdown to the end of my employment has started. Although I feel I have long ago removed myself from most of the stress associated with my position, that feeling of release has now become tangible. With under 10 weeks to go before we close on the house (and there is no indication to say that the date will change as of this writing), I am experiencing a real sense of finality with the company that has employed me for over 15 years.

This is the only company I have ever worked for since graduating to the real world of employment. I slowly rose through the ranks as a shop floor machine operator with nothing more then a certificate from a community college under my belt, to a senior manager with a private office and staff of 4 direct reports. My income is higher now then at any point in my life. The company has been good to me. Provided me with opportunity to grow and in turn I have been up to the task. I have held this position as a senior manager longer than any other current employee. It’s clear the company is satisfied with my efforts and my productivity.

On the other hand, I have not been satisfied with the company for years. I have harbored distaste for the corporate world since the turning point I experienced. I don’t blame anyone but myself however it became clear after that event that a way out, a fresh start was high on my list of things to get accomplished.  And now that checkbox can be ticked off as the reality of me handing in my resignation in two weeks begins to materialize.

It’s not a wave of reality that's hitting me but rather a gradual light snowfall over my cognizant being forcing me to come to terms with not only being unemployed voluntarily but also entering an unknown world of routine that doesn't revolve around e-mail and a desk. I've always been very passive when it comes to change. I accept it but usually let it wash over me rather than embrace it head on.

I will have no boss to report to. No need to wake up at the same time every morning to make sure I am at work on time to swipe my employee timecard. No voicemail to check, reports to deliver, analytics to…analyze. A very different and unknown world awaits.

I will miss the guys I work with. Not much, but I will miss them. Our usual banter, our lunch dates compromised of venting about our bosses, too many meetings and being micromanaged. I will miss the paycheque. The benefits. The view from my office.

I will not miss this corporate life. This management position. It’s been so long now since I have been happy with my position and my work that it’s difficult for me to relate back to a time when I welcomed the promotion and everything that came with it. I don’t feel burned out. I just feel that this path was never one I was intended to follow. Now that this new adventure awaits me, I find myself itching for it to begin. Get on with it already. I will not miss this corporate life...at least, that's what I am telling myself.

Somewhat on topic, I found this discussion to be very interesting.